Should I Text Him First
I’m of the opinion that I don’t have time to wait around for people. I’m not here to prove anything, and if someone is too busy or too uninterested to text me back, then they don’t deserve my time. So whether you’ve been seeing a guy for a few months or a few days, I think it’s completely acceptable to text him first. But only in certain situations — let’s call them “green flag” scenarios and “red flag” scenarios.
Why you shouldn’t care about looking desperate.
You’re not desperate.
Did you know that according to the Oxford English Dictionary, “desperate” means “in a state of extreme need”? In other words, if you were in a situation where you were truly desperate for something—like your life depended on it—you would be willing to do anything and everything possible to get it. So why are we using this word as an insult?
I think we’ve all heard someone say “Don’t act like such a desperate girl!” or “Stop texting him so much! You’re making yourself look desperate!” But here’s the thing: You’re not desperate. Your life isn’t over if this guy doesn’t text back (or if he does), and there are plenty more fish in the sea (and even more fish than that if we start talking about seafood). If anything, trying harder just puts pressure on people and makes them feel like they have to act out of obligation instead of genuine interest;
it doesn’t make them want to spend time with us—it makes us seem too eager and clingy.Let’s talk about those words again: “obligation” and “clingy.” These are two things guys don’t want their girlfriends acting like because they end up feeling trapped into something they don’t want or wasn’t their idea in the first place. That’s not cool for either party involved, but especially for ladies who aren’t looking for serious relationships just yet; this kind of behavior tends to put them off rather than win them over.
When you should text him first
These are the times when you should text him first:
- If you had a great date. If he was asking questions and seemed genuinely interested in learning more about your life and personality, it’s time to strike up the conversation again.
- If you’re genuinely curious about what he’s up to. You might not have any plans, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t things going on in his life worth knowing about—especially if there’s something specific or important to know if he does want to hang out again. After all, knowing what he’s doing can help guide your next move (or not).
- When he really likes someone who isn’t responding right away (but never wait longer than three days). This is especially true if they haven’t been texting much since their last interaction (which could mean they’re busy), or if they’re particularly busy at this moment in time; in both cases, it could be several hours before their phone alerts them of new messages from potential dates/friends/whatever else may come along later today! Wait too long and risk them forgetting all about meeting up with anyone tonight…
1. You just had an amazing date
It’s okay to text him after a great date. If you don’t, he may think that you’re not interested.
Here are some appropriate reasons to send a text:
- To say how much fun you had and when you can see each other again
- To ask what his plans are for the weekend (if he doesn’t bring it up)
2. If you’re genuinely curious about what he’s up to
Here are a few ways you can ask him about his day without coming off as desperate:
- “How was your day?”
- “How was your weekend?”
- “What are you up to this weekend?”
- “What do you have planned for the week?” (if he says, “nothing”.)
- “Will we be hanging out soon?”
3. You know he’s super into you
If you know he’s into you, then it’s okay to text first.
not, don’t risk it—you don’t want him to think of you as desperate or clingy.
If he doesn’t respond, keep in mind that some guys are just bad at responding quickly. So if he doesn’t answer right away and then disappears for several days before getting back in touch with you again (or if there’s an unexplained delay between when you talk and when he answers), this could be a sign that something’s wrong—but it could also just be that your guy is busy with work or friends or family stuff!
4. You haven’t heard from him in a while
If you haven’t heard from him in a while, the best way to get his attention is by texting him first. It’s important that you don’t seem desperate or clingy by doing this, so make sure your text is casual and easygoing. If he doesn’t respond within a day or two, don’t send another text for at least 24 hours.
This will give him time to think about what was said in your last message and decide if he wants to reply or not. You shouldn’t feel bad about giving him space; if you really like someone but they don’t seem interested anymore then it may be time to move on anyway!
Consider the signs that he’s into you.
- He’s been texting you a lot. If he’s bothering to text you that often, it means he’s interested in getting to know you better—and that the two of you have something in common.
- He keeps asking you out. If he asks you on dates and doesn’t seem at all put off by your “no,” this is another sign that he wants more than friendship with you—and probably some physical contact as well.
- He flirts with you. Flirting is an easy way for guys (or girls) to test the waters and see if they can get away with saying or doing something a little bit suggestive without being offensive or too forward—so if your guy does it, chances are good that his intentions are innocent enough!
- He says nice things about your appearance or personality when he texts back. Some guys will compliment a woman they like without realizing they’re doing so; others might be consciously trying to give subtle hints about their feelings so as not to come off as too forward or pushy; either way, such comments mean there’s potential for romance down the road!
Should I text him first? Here’s when you shouldn’t
- If he’s not into you, don’t text him first.
- If you don’t have anything to say, don’t text him first.
- Don’t think that just because you’re into him and he seems into you that he’ll want to hear from you again. You need a reason for keeping in touch, even if it’s just “I had fun the other night.” Otherwise, why are you doing it? What does he get out of it? The last thing anyone wants is for someone else to feel like they’re getting texts out of obligation or guilt instead of genuine desire on both sides.
- Maybe he hasn’t asked you out again yet because he doesn’t want another date with someone who isn’t sure what she wants from her life (and thus may not be able to commit). Maybe he thinks your relationship has run its course—perhaps there was something good at one point but now it feels stale and lifeless—and that there’s nothing left worth investing more time in unless one party can show signs of change (which is hard when dealing with people). Or maybe his circumstances have changed since their last encounter: Maybe his friends are pressuring him about finding someone new; maybe his ex just got engaged; maybe his parents pressured him into taking over their business when they retire next year; etcetera…
If he’s into you and you haven’t heard from him in a few days, go for it.
If you’ve been on multiple dates with a guy, and haven’t heard from him in a few days (or even weeks), go for it. he’s into you and your text doesn’t come off desperate at all, then chances are good that he won’t mind the gesture.
this is your first date, don’t text first. You don’t want to risk coming off as too eager or desperate—especially if he hasn’t said anything about wanting to see you again after the date.
If he likes you enough to take out his phone during his lunch break to send you a thank-you message for meeting up with him last night, then by all means respond! But if not…maybe wait until tomorrow morning before reaching out?
He left you on read multiple times
- if he never responds to your texts, it’s probably because he’s not into you. If he is into you, then he’ll respond.
- if he only responds every once in a while, that means that he’s trying to play hard-to-get but isn’t actually interested.
To recap: If someone is interested in you and wants to date you, they’ll text back on the regular.
When to wait for him to text first.
The most important thing to remember is that there are instances when it’s okay for a guy to text you first. For example, if you don’t have anything to say and you still haven’t heard from him in a while, it’s probably okay for him to send the first message. Or if he doesn’t know how he feels about you yet, it’s better for him (and more likely) that he’ll reach out first so as not to come off as “desperate.” The same goes if the relationship has been going well in general and neither of you knows where things stand between each other—it’s okay for him to send the first text so he can gauge whether or not everything is alright with your friendship.
Another time it might be okay is if one person initiates contact immediately after both people have agreed upon something new:
For example: You’re dating someone who proposed marriage after four months together but has been distant ever since; then six weeks later they ask what your plans are tonight; then another five days go by without any word at all from them on anything aside from an occasional text about work related matters (which isn’t much). In this case I would recommend waiting until after work hours before texting them back because otherwise it could appear rude/disruptive/unwanted depending on what kind of person they are!
You don’t have anything to say
If you don’t have anything to say, don’t text. If you don’t have anything to say, then chances are that even if he does reply back to your text, the conversation will be boring and lack substance.
You may think that it would be a good idea just to text him anyway and see what happens, but remember: even if there is no chemistry between the two of you during a first conversation (and especially if there isn’t), texting uninterestedly will only make it worse.
There is no point in texting someone just because they sent something first – it’s called being desperate! Unless you really need something from them (i.e., an interviewee), then try not to respond solely out of politeness.
But stay away from the double text.
It’s tempting to send a follow-up text if you don’t hear back immediately. It’s also tempting to send multiple texts in hopes of getting a response, or sending a long text in the hopes that it will be read. But all of these tactics are likely to backfire and make you seem needy and desperate.
Instead, wait at least three hours before sending another text. And even then, keep it short and sweet: “Hey! Just checking in.” If he doesn’t respond after that, there’s no need for any more contact—just let it go!
If you were the one to set up the last date
If you were the one to set up the last date, you should text first.
He was the one to set up the last date, he should text first.
If you were the one to set up the last date and want him to make another plan, you should wait for him to text first.
Sometimes it’s okay to text first but make sure you’re reading the situation right and not just texting to fill the silence.
If you’re still curious about him but not sure if it’s a good idea to text first, this is something that I would only do if you genuinely want to know what he’s up to.
I’ve seen many people who are afraid of texting a guy first because they don’t want to seem too eager or desperate. The truth is that sometimes, guys will wait for your texts even when they aren’t interested in getting together with you (or maybe they are just using it as an excuse). So really, there isn’t much incentive for them to text back until they get tired of waiting around for an opportunity to ask out again.
If instead of having nothing interesting going on and just checking in with him every so often because you’re bored AF and want someone else’s attention (even though there are plenty other ways than texting), then yes go ahead! You might find yourself pleasantly surprised by how easy it was compared with how much time and effort was put into making plans before hand 🙂 And if not.. well at least now got together once before moving forward?
So, should I text him first? While you may be tempted to get the conversation going yourself, it’s usually best practice to wait until he initiates plans and/or tries contacting you himself. That said, if you know for sure he’s into you and hasn’t responded in a few days, or if you had an amazing date together, it can be totally fine to reach out on your own. Just make sure not to go overboard with desperation—if he’s been double-texting or ignoring your texts altogether multiple times in a row, it might be time to take a step back and let things cool off.